Kevin Smith, too fat for Southwest Air
It’s aready around the net, but unless you haven’t seen, been bothered or not one of his 1,646,656 followers, you may not know that Southwest Air have really given themselves some bad press by asking almighty film director Kevin Smith to leave the plane because he was apparently a “safety risk” due to his weight.
The following contains some strong, harsh language and is a list of his tweets until he signed off for the night, some tweets are merged. So if you’re of a weak disposition, don’t read on…
Dear @SouthwestAir – I know I’m fat, but was Captain Leysath really justified in throwing me off a flight for which I was already seated?
Dear @SouthwestAir, I flew out in one seat, but right after issuing me a standby ticket, Oakland Southwest attendant Suzanne (wouldn’t give last name) told me Captain Leysath deemed me a “safety risk”. Again: I’m way fat… But I’m not THERE just yet. But if I am, why wait til my bag is up, and I’m seated WITH ARM RESTS DOWN. In front of a packed plane with a bunch of folks who’d already I.d.ed me as “Silent Bob.”
So, @SouthwestAir, go fuck yourself. I broke no regulation, offered no “safety risk” (what, was I gonna roll on a fellow passenger?). I was wrongly ejected from the flight (even Suzanne eventually agreed). And fuck your apologetic $100 voucher, @SouthwestAir. Thank God I don’t embarrass easily (bless you, JERSEY GIRL training). But I don’t sulk off either: so everyday, some new fuck-you Tweets for @SouthwestAir.
Wanna tell me I’m too wide for the sky? Totally cool. But fair warning, folks: IF YOU LOOK LIKE ME, YOU MAY BE EJECTED FROM @SOUTHWESTAIR.
Via @byrneification “save the anger for SModcast” Believe it, Son. @SouthwestAir? You fucked with the wrong sedentary processed-foods eater!
@pigz “I know several people bigger then u who have flown on other airlines” I saw someone bigger than me on THAT flight! But I wasn’t about to throw a fellow Fatty under the plane as I’m being profiled. But he & I made eye contact, & he was like “Please don’t tell…”
Dear @SouthwestAir, I’m on another one of your planes, safely seated & buckled-in again, waiting to be dragged off in front of the normies.
And, hey? @SouthwestAir? I didn’t even need a seat belt extender to buckle up. Somehow, that shit fit over my “safety concern”-creating gut.
Via @bogo_lode “Maybe you should organize a boycott” A boycott of one. This is my last Southwest flight. Hopefully by choice.
Hey @SouthwestAir! Sometimes, the arm rests are up because THE PEOPLE SITTING THERE ALREADY PUT THEM UP; NOT BECAUSE THEY “CAN’T GO DOWN.”
The @SouthwestAir Diet. How it works: you’re publicly shamed into a slimmer figure. Crying the weight right off has never been easier!
Via @mmm_cereal “my dad’s bigger than you & flies southwest all the time. some1 just wanted to say they were a dick to a celeb” Celeb? Me?!
Hey @SouthwestAir! I’ve landed in Burbank. Don’t worry: wall of the plane was opened & I was airlifted out while Richard Simmons supervised.
Hey @SouthwestAir? Fuck making it right for me just ’cause I have a platform. I sat next to a big girl who was chastised for not buying an extra ticket because “all passengers deserve their space.” Fucking flight wasn’t even full! Fuck your size-ist policy. Rude…
Hey @SouthwestAir! Here are two more “recent recognitions” for your Twitter home page: “Loather of the Wide” or “Pissin’ on the Portlies”.
Via @Ajax517 “Don’t let them muzzle you, time to make them burn for all the fatties out there without a voice” Amen, sir.
@3rdVentureBro “They’re only apologizing because smith has a platform to express his displeasure.” Bingo. It’s disingenuous as fuck. Wait ’til you hear SMod story about the girl sitting next to me who was pulled aside & chastised for not buying an additional seat.
Via @neilhimself “Southwestair? Following my orders. And it’s going to get worse.” You’re only a better villain than me ’cause your British.
Via @SouthwestAir “Hopefully you received our voicemail earlier this evening” All lines checked, no voicemail message on any 323. Try again.
Last night, the wife ALSO kicked me off for being too wide. And she wasn’t talking about the size of my @SouthwestAir (nee my stupid dick).
@SouthwestAir “Our apology to KevinSmith and more details regarding the events from last night: http://cot.ag/96KHC7 ” So your apology is “Sorry, sir. But you ARE kinda fat…”? I flew out AND back IN ONE SEAT, YOU PIECES OF SHIT! SModcast in two hrs tells WHOLE story.
Via @Rheno “Chill out dude; have a beer.” Honestly, I’m all good. But fuck these corporate dogs. Here’s the light; run, you fucking roaches.
Via @dolcevita13 “you should sue” I don’t want their $; just want to call attention 2 their policy so large folks think twice before buying.
Via @ericjochim “the only thing you crashed of Southwest: their blog” Won’t fly ’em again even if they were last flight away from 2012 wave.
Dear Fucktarded PR-Challenged Fatty-Haters at @SouthwestAir: Your “apology” blog is insulting, redacted bullshit. FULL details in two hours.
@markdavidson “worse apology/crisis management statement ever published on internet: http://bit.ly/anlqTg ” At least their consistent: THEY’RE consistent: shitty to the heavy-set on the plane & shitty to the heavy-set in cyberspace. Sanctuary from Soutwest shittiness!
Via @ChipHorton “think southwest is digging the free publicity” Totally: they’re anti-fat anyway, so this spreads their Gospel of Exclusion.
Dear Other Airlines (including Oceanic, sans Flight 815): I’m in the market for a flight east this Thurs. Which one of you likes fat people?
Via @ZenX1 “What are you weighing in at these days?” When I look at the scale, it reads “Please get off the plane, you rotund retard.”
Via @HelenMarieF “unfortunately each ticket is allocated a weight.” I assure you: I fall within whatever limit that it, sir. Arm rests down.
Via @ElisaABCNews “I’m a producer for ABC NEWS, Good Morning America. Can you give me a call” Why? Do you know @Oprah?
Articles say I was given $100 @SouthwestAir voucher. It was OFFERED: the way a john tosses a hooker a c-note after a hate-fucking. Said no.
@bonkoif “they say you regularly buy 2 seats when flying SWA. Is that true?” I did twice this week, for 2 trips to 1hr-away Oakland, & only because a) price was cheap & b) I afforded myself “luxury” of space-seat between me & a fellow passenger on an all-1-class flight
Dear @SouthwestAirlines: The page for your SModcast is already up: http://www.smodcast.com/ COMPLETE audio-tale will be there in an hour.
HAHAHAHA! Some pilot on TwiTLive wrote in with “insider info” inferring I might’ve been drunk. That’s really, really funny.
But for the record? I wasn’t drunk or stoned. But also for the record? On SWA flight home, I refused the alcoholic beverage I was offered.
Via @markdtaylor ” @SouthWestAir should have realized who the hell you were” You ain’t shitting, sir: because who I am is a paying customer. And not just ANY paying customer: a paying customer who fit between the arm rests & was able to buckle his seat belt w/o an extender. TRUTH!
SModcast106: Go Fuck Yourself Southwest Airlines. In which, surely, our hero is Too Fat Too Fly. And don’t call me Shirley: www.smodcast.com
@Sweetwagner “why wasn’t something said before the plane was boarded?” Right? Why even give me the ticket and let me board? They threw their pilot right under the landing gear in their “apology” with “Cap’s call, Fatty.” Even a Fatty don’t roll on a friendly like that.
SModcast 106 tells MY SIDE of ENTIRE story, so I’m powering down. Off to celebrate Valentines Day with people who REALLY “Luv” me. Buh-bye.
Yeah I probably put some stuff in there I didn’t need to, but they were funny. Let this be a warning to other companies that alienate or treat paying customers badly, especially ‘high profile’ customers that aren’t afraid to publicly gi
ve their opinion of their experience, it only looks bad for you.